Today it’s almost exactly one month since I last time post anything here. Last time I wrote I wrote about how close I could feel Tony even though he was in Lebanon. Now he is not. He is not in Lebanon and not in Sweden. He is on his way back home to Lebanon and I am so sad. I feel so heavy from inside and my heart hurts so much. I’m afraid of going to bed tonight, I’m used to have him there by my side. I have so much inside of me right now, so many feelings, so much love but it really hurts. I have been trying for almost three hours to write a good post but I can’t get anything out of me. I’m so sad. Tony means everything to me and I really need him to feel good. I hope his flight is going well. He will arrive to Istanbul after like 15 minutes and wait there till midnight when he will keep the flight to Lebanon. OH (!) now I’m smiling. Smiling and crying at the same time. They are showing an advertisement on TV where they put the song Don’t stop me now by Queens and it makes me think of Tony. We had so much fun with this song when he was here. Gosh how much I miss him!! I will stop this post here with a smile on my face. Tony, I love you SO much!

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~WITH LOVE * Alva~

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